just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
