ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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