Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
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Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
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It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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