You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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