and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
