the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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