I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
