Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
