I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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