just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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