You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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