I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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