You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
