don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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