What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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