I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
