Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
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Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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