you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
