I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
