This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
