woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
