So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
