Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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