I'm passing your future prison.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got inside last night via doggy door
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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