Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
