I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
