When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Text me some of your sweat
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