My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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