lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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