Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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