Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
