apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
