I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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