it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
