also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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