dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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