If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
