just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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