it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
