dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
