508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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