At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
