Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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