My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
