between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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