I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
