Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
