Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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