My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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