this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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