Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
