Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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