we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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