The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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