you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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