I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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