You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
