i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
