I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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