morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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