woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
