nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
