spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
