There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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