When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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