He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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