i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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