i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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