Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How external is "for external use only"?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
