The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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