Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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