The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
