You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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