Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
