I am puke
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
