I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
