So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
