and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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