so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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