I cannot find my penis.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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