I would go down on you faster than GM stock
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
