sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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